Pastoral Resources

Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you can spit anywhere you like except in the umpire's eye or on the ball.

I didn't mean to hit the umpire with the dirt, but I did mean to hit that bastard in the stands.

It is the duty of the Umpire to determine all questions submitted to him according to these laws, when they apply, and according to his best judgment when they do not apply.

If either player abandon the game by quitting the table in anger, or in an otherwise offensive manner; or by momentarily resigning the game; or refuses to abide by the decision of the Umpire, the game must be scored against him.

The job of arguing with the umpire belongs to the manager, because it won't hurt the team if he gets thrown out of the game.