Verse-by-Verse Bible Commentary
Proverbs 18:19

Clarke's Commentary

Verse Proverbs 18:19. A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city — Almost all the versions agree in the following reading: "A brother assisted by a brother, is like a fortified city; and their decisions are like the bars of a city." Coverdale is both plain and terse: "The unitie of brethren is stronger then a castell, and they that holde together are like the barre of a palace." The fable of the dying father, his sons, and the bundle of faggots, illustrates this proverb. Unity among brethren makes them invincible; small things grow great by concord. If we take the words according to the common version, we see them express what, alas! we know to be too generally true: that when brothers fall out, it is with extreme difficulty that they can be reconciled. And fraternal enmities are generally strong and inveterate.

Bridgeway Bible Commentary

Real strength (18:1-24)

When people become too confident in their own opinions, they are liable to break away from former friends. They become unreasonable in discussion and blind to the viewpoints of others. Those who despise others will themselves be disgraced (18:1-3). The words of the wise bring refreshment, but those of a fool or a gossip bring destruction (4-8).
Those who leave work undone are almost as bad as those who wreck what already has been done (9). Those who trust in God know they are safe, but those who trust in their wealth only think they are safe. One day they will find that pride leads to disaster. God exalts those who willingly take the lowest place (10-12).
Strength of mind and spirit is more important in the battle of life than strength of body. The wise listen to opinions from all available sources before giving their judgment (13-15). People may try to win a judge’s favour by giving him gifts or telling him only those parts of a story that support their viewpoint. In some cases the only way a judge may be able to settle a dispute is by the drawing of lots (16-18).
People may become strong friends or strong enemies, depending on how they are treated. Words will bring a person good or ill, depending on what they mean and how they are spoken (19-21). True friendship is not easily broken, nor does it make a distinction between the richer partner and the poorer partner. But a good wife is the best friend of all (22-24).

Coffman's Commentaries on the Bible

“A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city; And such contentions are like the bars of a castle.”

The meaning here is uncertain. The underlined words are not in the Hebrew but were added by the translators. “A brother helped by a brother is like a fortified city; he holds firm as the bars of a castle.”The Bible, an American Translation (Chicago: The University of Chicago Press, 1923). “Help your brother, and he will protect you like a strong city wall; but, if you quarrel with him, he will close his doors to you.”The Good News Bible. In the three versions cited here there is no complete agreement.

Barnes' Notes on the Whole Bible

The meaning of the first clause is obtained in the King James Version by the insertion of the words in italics, and it seems on the whole to be the best. The Septuagint and Vulgate give an entirely different rendering, based, apparently, upon a different text.

Smith's Bible Commentary

Chapter 18

Through desire a man, having separated himself, seeks and intermeddleth with all wisdom. A fool has no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself. When the wicked comes, then comes also contempt, and with ignominy reproach. The words of a man's mouth are as deep waters, and the wellspring of wisdom as a flowing brook. It is not good to accept the person of the wicked, to overthrow the righteous in judgment. A fool's lips enter into contention, and his mouth calleth for strokes ( Proverbs 18:1-6 ).

That is, the fool's lips enters into contention, and by his mouth, the strokes is really, is blows.

A fool's mouth is his destruction, his lips are a snare of his soul. The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly. He also that is slothful in his work is a brother to him that is a great waster ( Proverbs 18:7-9 ).

Now Solomon has quite a bit to say about the slothful or the lazy person. The man who is lazy, slothful in his work, he's a brother to him that is a great waster.

The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe ( Proverbs 18:10 ).

What a strong tower the name Jehovah is. How many times we have run into it to find safety.

The rich man's wealth is his strong city, and as a high wall in his own conceit. Before destruction the heart of man is haughty ( Proverbs 18:11-12 ),

That's again, "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before the fall." "Before destruction the heart of man is haughty."

and before honor is humility ( Proverbs 18:12 ).

Humble thyself; He shall exalt thee. Exalt thyself; He'll abase you. So same concept, another proverb.

He that answers a matter before he hears it, it's a folly and a shame ( Proverbs 18:13 ).

So many times we answer a person before we really understand completely what they're asking for. They're starting to explain their situation and we assume that, "Oh, yes, this is what they want to know," and we start giving out all these worthless information.

Like the little child who came in to her mother one day and said, "Mother, where did I come from?" And the mother thought, "Uh-oh, this is it. Time for the story of the birds and the bees and all." She said, "Well, honey, you go outside and play for a little while and then come on in and Mother will tell you." So she sent the little girl out and she got into this psyche books on how to explain the facts of life to your child and all and boned them all up. And then called the little girl in and sat her down and started through and explained to her the whole process of life and procreation and everything else. And she said, "Well, now, honey, do you think you understand?" She said, "Oh yes, Mommy." She said, "The little girl next door said she came from Missouri and I just wondered where I came from."

So it's possible to answer a matter before you really know what the matter is. And he that answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and a shame to him.

The spirit of a man will sustain his weakness; but a wounded spirit who can bear? ( Proverbs 18:14 )

Oh, how hard it is when your spirit has been wounded. And yet, if you have a strong spirit, how it can bear the infirmities, the weaknesses, the sicknesses.

The heart of the prudent gets knowledge; and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge. A man's gift makes room for him, and brings him before great men ( Proverbs 18:15-16 ).

Actually, he's saying that by giving gifts you can open a lot of doors. It gives a place for you. It will bring you before great men. It actually brought me before Begin last week. I'd never be able to see Begin if we didn't have a gift for him, for Israel.

He that is first in his own cause seems just; but his neighbor comes and searches him. The lot causeth contentions to cease, and parts between the mighty ( Proverbs 18:17-18 ).

So the casting of the lot. You're arguing over this thing. Let's cast lots for it. Stops the argument. It's idea of flipping a coin, you know. Same idea. Let's flip a coin. Can't agree on something, we'll flip a coin. Heads, we will. Tails, we won't. And so it stops the contentions.

A brother who is offended is harder to be won than a strong city ( Proverbs 18:19 ):

So the idea is, don't offend your brother.

and their contentions are like the bars of a castle ( Proverbs 18:19 ).

You can't get through them.

A man's belly shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth; and with the increase of his lips shall he be filled ( Proverbs 18:20 ).

This is, I think, quite an important proverb, the next one.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Whoso findeth a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the LORD ( Proverbs 18:21-22 ).

So Solomon found a thousand of them. He surely learned an awful lot about women.

The poor useth entreaties; but the rich answereth roughly ( Proverbs 18:23 ).

The poor man has to entreat; sort of beg.

A man that hath friends must show himself friendly ( Proverbs 18:24 ):

That's basic now. If you want to have friends, you've just got to show yourself friendly. A lot of people complain, "Oh, we don't have any friends." Well, you're not you're not showing yourself friendly. You if you're going to have friends, you've got to just be friendly.

and there is a friend [there is a special friend] who will stick closer than a brother ( Proverbs 18:24 ).

That, of course, is Jesus Christ. That's an important proverb to me. A man to have friends has to show himself friendly. But there is one friend who will stick closer than a brother. "

Dr. Constable's Expository Notes

3. Friendship and folly ch. 18

Gill's Exposition of the Whole Bible

A brother offended [is harder to be won] than a strong city,.... A fortified city may sooner be taken by an enemy, than one brother offended can be reconciled to another; their resentments against each other are keener than against another person that has offended them; and their love being turned into hatred, it is more bitter; and it is more difficult to compose differences between brethren than between enemies; wherefore such should take care that they fall not out by the way: this is true of brethren in a natural sense; as the cases of Abel and Cain, Jacob and Esau, Joseph and his brethren, Amnon and Absalom, and others, show; and of brethren in a spiritual sense, as Paul and Barnabas, Luther and Calvin, and others;

and [their] contentions [are] like the bars of a castle: which cannot be easily broken or cut asunder: so contentions, especially those among brethren, are with great difficulty made to cease, and their differences composed; they will stand it out against one another as long as a strong city, or a barred castle, against an enemy.

Henry's Complete Commentary on the Bible

      19 A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.

      Note, 1. Great care must be taken to prevent quarrels among relations, and those that are under special obligation to each other, not only because they are most unnatural and unbecoming, but because between such things are commonly taken most unkindly, and resentments are apt to be carried too far. Wisdom and grace would indeed make it most easy to us to forgive our relations and friends if they offend us, but corruption makes it most difficult to forgive them; let us therefore take heed of disobliging a brother, or one that has been as a brother; ingratitude is very provoking. 2. Great pains must be taken to compromise matters in variance between relations, with all speed, because it is a work of so much difficulty, and consequently the more honourable if it be done. Esau was a brother offended, and seemed harder to be won than a strong city, yet by a work of God upon his heart, in answer to Jacob's prayer, he was won.