Pastoral Resources

Henry Augustus Rowland, professor of physics at Johns Hopkins University, was once called as an expert witness at a trial. During cross-examination a lawyer demanded, “What are your qualifications as an expert witness in this case?”

The normally modest and retiring professor replied quietly, “I am the greatest living expert on the subject under discussion.” Later a friend well acquainted with Rowland’s disposition expressed surprise at the professor’s uncharacteristic answer. Rowland answered, “Well, what did you expect me to do? I was under oath.”

One time when Michigan State was playing UCLA in football, the score was tied at 14 with only seconds to play. Duffy Daugherty, Michigan State’s coach, sent in placekicker Dave Kaiser who booted a field goal that won the game.

When the kicker returned to the bench, Daugherty said, “nice going, but you didn’t watch the ball after you kicked it.”

“That’s right, Coach,” Kaiser replied. “I was watching the referee instead to see how he’d signal it. I forgot my contact lenses, and I couldn’t see the goal posts.”

A Chinese boy in Singapore found Christ as his Savior and arranged to be baptized shortly after his graduation. But to his surprise he won a scholarship of a year for four years in the Hong Kong University. One of the conditions was, "The winner must be a Confucianist." To a poor student the temptation to defer baptism was great, but he resisted and presented himself for baptism at the appointed time. A friend, a Confucianist, stood next in line for the scholarship, but was so impressed that he refused it, saying, "If Christianity is worth so much to my classmate, it can be worth no less to me. I will be a Christian." He trusted Christ as his Savior and was baptized.

In 1878, when William Booth’s Salvation Army was beginning to make its mark, men and women from all over the world began to enlist. One man, who had once dreamed of becoming a bishop, crossed the Atlantic from America to England to enlist. Samuel Brengle left a fine pastorate to join Booth’s Army. But at first General Booth accepted his services reluctantly and grudgingly. Booth said to Brengle, “You’ve been your own boss too long.” And in order to instill humility in Brengle, he set him to work cleaning the boots of other trainees. Discouraged, Brengle said to himself, “Have I followed my own fancy across the Atlantic in order to black boots?” And then, as in a vision, he saw Jesus bending over the feet of rough, unlettered fishermen. “Lord,” he whispered, “you washed their feet; I will black their shoes.”

Winter has a joy for me,

While the Saviour’s charms I read,

Lowly, meek, from blemish free,

In the snowdrop’s pensive head.

Spring returns, and brings along

Life-invigorating suns:

Hark! the turtle’s plaintive song

Seems to speak His dying groans!

Summer has a thousand charms,

All expressive of His worth;

‘Tis His sun that lights and warms,

His the air that cools the earth.

What! has autumn left to say

Nothing of a Saviour’s grace?

Yes, the beams of milder day

Tell me of His smiling face.

Light appears with early dawn,

While the sun makes haste to rise;

See His bleeding beauties drawn

On the blushes of the skies.

Evening with a silent pace,

Slowly moving in the west,

Shows an emblem of His grace,

Points to an eternal rest.

In his book 70 X 7, The Freedom of Forgiveness, David Augsburger tells of General William Booth, the founder of the Salvation Army, who had lost his eyesight. His son was given the difficult task of telling his father there would be no recovery.

“Do you mean that I am blind?” the General asked.

“I fear we must contemplate that,” his son replied.

The father continued, “I shall never see your face again?”

“No, probably not in this world.”

“Bramwell,” said General Booth, “I have done what I could for God and for His people with my eyes. Now Shall do what I can for God without my eyes.”

Rabbi David A. Nelson likes to tell the story of two brothers who went to their rabbi to settle a longstanding feud. The rabbi got the two to reconcile their differences and shake hands. As they were about to leave, he asked each one to make a wish for the other in honor of the Jewish New Year. The first brother turned to the other and said, “I wish you what you wish me.” At that, the second brother threw up his hands and said, “See, Rabbi, he’s starting up again!”

If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate.

You do nothing but sleep for six months.

I could get used to that.

And another thing: before you hibernate,

You’re supposed to eat yourself stupid.

That wouldn’t bother me either.

If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business;

You swat anyone who bothers you or your cubs.

If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too.

Your husband expects you to growl when you wake up.

He expects you to have hairy legs and excess body fat.

He likes it!

I wish I were a bear.

I Wish I Were a Bear If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could get used to that. And another thing: before you hibernate, You’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. That wouldn’t bother me either. If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business; You swat anyone who bothers you or your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too. Your husband expects you to growl when you wake up. He expects you to have hairy legs and excess body fat. He likes it! I wish I were a bear.

honest enough to admit all my shortcomings;

brilliant enough to accept flattery without it making me arrogant;

tall enough to tower above deceit;

strong enough to treasure love;

brave enough to welcome criticism;

compassionate enough to understand human frailties;

wise enough to recognize my mistakes;

humble enough to appreciate greatness;

staunch enough to stand by my friends;

human enough to be thoughtful of my neighbor; and

righteous enough to be devoted to the love of God.

- Gordon H. Taggart

Recently, I heard a touching story which illustrates the power that words have to change a life—a power that lies right in the hands of those reading this article. Mary had grown up knowing that she was different from the other kids, and she hated it. She was born with a ceft palate and had to bear the jokes and stares of cruel children who teased her non-stop about her misshaped lip, crooked nose, and garbled speech. With all the teasing, Mary grew up hating the fact that she was “different.” She was convinced that no one, outside her family, could ever love her ... until she entered Mrs. Leonard’s class. Mrs. Leonard had a warm smile, a round face, and shiny brown hair. While everyone in her class liked her, Mary came to love Mrs. Leonard.

In the 1950’s, it was common for teachers to give their children an annual hearing test. However, in Mary’s case, in addition to her cleft palate, she was barely able to hear out of one ear. Determined not to let the other children have another “difference” to point out, she would cheat on the test each year. The “whisper test” was given by having a child walk to the classroom door, turn sideways, close one ear with a finger, and then repeat something which the teacher whispered. Mary turned her bad ear towards her teacher and pretended to cover her good ear. She knew that teachers would often say things like, “The sky is blue,” or “What color are your shoes?” But not on that day. Surely, God put seven words in Mrs. Leonard’s mouth that changed Mary’s life forever. When the “Whisper test” came, Mary heard the words: “I wish you were my little girl.”

Dads, I wish there was some way that I could communicate to you the incredible blessing which affirming words impart to children. I wish, too, that you could sit in my office, when I counsel, and hear the terrible damage that individuals received from not hearing affirming words—particularly affirming words from a father. While words from a godly teacher can melt a heart, words from a father can powerfully set the course of a life.

If affirming words were something rarely spoken in your home growing up, let me give you some tips on words and phrases that can brighten your own child’s eyes and life. These words are easy to say to any child who comes into your life.

John Kenneth Galbraith, in his autobiography, A Life in Our Times, illustrates the devotion of Emily Gloria Wilson, his family’s housekeeper: It had been a wearying day, and I asked Emily to hold all telephone calls while I had a nap. Shortly thereafter the phone rang. Lyndon Johnson was calling from the White House. “Get me Ken Galbraith. This is Lyndon Johnson.”

“He is sleeping, Mr. President. He said not to disturb him.” “Well, wake him up. I want to talk to him.”

“No, Mr. President. I work for him, not you. When I called the President back, he could scarcely control his pleasure. “Tell that woman I want her here in the White House.”

Once a clergyman knelt down by a young woman bowed in prayer who was seeking Christ at a time of revival. Something seemed to worry her. "What is it?" asked the minister kindly. "Have you surrendered your all?" "I have tried," the woman sobbed. "What is the matter, then?" "It's the way Christian people have treated me. I am afraid I shall have to give up my place in the family where I work as a servant. The man is so cross and impatient with me." "Give it up then. God will supply something better," said the minister. "For whom do you work?" The woman raised her bowed head. "For you, sir." "It's our June!" gasped the minister, not having realized who she was until that moment.Not Preserved but Pickled

There was a disagreeable man who always liked to be the first to get up in prayer meeting and repeat his stereotyped testimony, "I praise the Lord for saving me and preserving me." Finally, a brother who knew him a little better than the others indignantly got up and said, "Brother, He didn't preserve you, He pickled you."

When the late Nadine Stair, of Louisville, Kentucky, was 85 years old, she was asked what she would do if she had her life to live over again.

“I’d make more mistakes next time,” she said. “I’d relax. I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I’d have fewer imaginary ones.

“You see, I’m one of those people who live sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I’ve had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, and a raincoat. If I had to do it over again, I would travel lighter than I have.

“If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.”

A little girl had been told many times by a childless old couple that if she would come and live with them, they would get her everything she wanted-a pony and cart, a piano, and the like. One day when the couple had been particularly urgent, her father said, "Don't you think you had better go with them?" The little girl looked at him in alarm and cried, "Why, Daddy, don't you want me?" "Yes," he replied, "but I can't give you very much, and they will give you everything nice." "But I wouldn't have you!" she said as she snuggled up to him.

You may have heard the story of two friends who met for dinner in a restaurant. Each requested filet of sole, and after a few minutes the waiter came back with their order. Two pieces of fish, a large and a small, were on the same platter. One of the men proceeded to serve his friend. Placing the small piece on a plate, he handed it across the table. “Well, you certainly do have nerve!” exclaimed his friend.

“What’s troubling you?” asked the other. “Look what you’ve done,” he answered. “You’ve given me the little piece and kept the big one for yourself.” “How would you have done it?” the man asked. His friend replied, “If I were serving, I would have given you the big piece.” “Well,” replied the man, “I’ve got it, haven’t I?” At this, they both laughed.

“I’ll be good. Don’t make me leave. I’ll be good.”

Baby Richard, 4-year-old boy who was removed from the home of his adoptive parents and turned over to his biological father on Illinois Supreme Court orders.

During his courtship with a young woman named Julia Dent, Ulysses S. Grant once took her out for a buggy ride. Coming to a flooded creek spanned by a flimsy bridge, Grant assured Julia that it was safe to cross. “Don’t be frightened,” he said. “I’ll look after you.” “Well,” replied Julia, “I shall cling to you whatever happens.”

True to her word, she clung tightly to Grant’s arm as they drove safely across. Grant drove on in thoughtful silence for a few minutes, then cleared his throat and said, “Julia, you said back there that you would cling to me whatever happened. Would you like to cling to me for the rest of our lives?” She would, and they were married in August 1848.

Seoul—At his father’s funeral, American Carl Lewis placed his 100-meter gold medal from the 1984 Olympics in his father’s hands. “Don’t worry,” he told his surprised mother. “I’ll get another one.”

A year later, in the 100-meter final at the 1988 games, Lewis was competing against Canadian world-record-holder Ben Johnson. Halfway through the race Johnson was five feet in front. Lewis was convinced he could catch him. But at 80 meters, he was still five feet behind. It’s over, Dad, Lewis thought. As Johnson crossed the finish, he stared back at Lewis and thrust his right arm in the air, index finger extended.

Lewis was exasperated. He had noticed Johnson’s bulging muscles and yellow-tinged eyes, both indications of steroid use. “I didn’t have the medal, but I could still give to my father by acting with class and dignity,” Lewis said later. He shook Johnson’s hand and left the track. But then came the announcement that Johnson had tested positive for anabolic steroids. He was stripped of his medal. The gold went to Lewis, a replacement for the medal he had given his father.

For 36 years Jeno and his wife delighted in one another. But one day Jeno suffered a stroke. For weeks he lay in the hospital, slipping in and out of a coma. Day and night his wife sat at his side. One evening, she put her head on his hand and fell asleep.

Jeno awoke during the night and seeing his wife, picked up an envelope and pencil and scribbled these words: “Softly, I will leave you, for my heart would break if you should wake and see me go. So I leave you. Long before you miss me. Long before your arms can beg me stay for one more hour, one more day. After all of the years, I can’t stand the tears to fall, so I leave you softly.”

A man put up a sign in his yard that read: “Puppies for Sale.” Among those who came to inquire was a young boy. “Please, Mister,” he said, “I’d like to buy one of your puppies if they don’t cost too much.” “Well, son, they’re $25.” The boy looked crushed. “I’ve only got two dollars and five cents. Could I see them anyway?” “Of course. Maybe we can work something out,” said the man. The lad’s eyes danced at the sight of those five little balls of fur. “I heard that one has a bad leg,” he said. “Yes, I’m afraid she’ll be crippled for life.” “Well, that’s the puppy I want. Could I pay for her a little at a time?” The man responded, “But she’ll always have a limp.” Smiling bravely, the boy pulled up one pant leg, revealing a brace. “I don’t walk good either.” Then, looking at the puppy sympathetically, he continued, “I guess she’ll need a lot of love and help. I sure did. It’s not so easy being crippled.” “Here, take her,” said the man. “I know you’ll give her a good home. And just forget the money.”

The old mountaineer had lived a full but not exactly saintly life and now was on his deathbed. He summoned his weeping wife. “Sara,” he said, “go to the fireplace and take out the third stone from the top.”

She did as instructed.

“Reach in there,” said her husband, “and bring out what you find.” Her fingers touched a large Mason jar, and with some effort she pulled it up. The jar was full of cash.

“Sara,” said the old man, “when I go, I’m going to take all that money with me. I want you to put that jar up in the attic by the window. I’ll get it as I go by on my way to heaven.”

His wife followed his instructions. That night the old mountaineer died. After the funeral his wife remembered the Mason jar and went to the attic. There was the jar still full of money and by the window.

“Oh,” the widow sighed. “I knew I should have put it in the basement.”

Years ago, Monroe Parker was traveling through South Alabama on one of those hot, sultry Alabama days. He stopped at a watermelon stand, picked out a watermelon, and asked the proprietor how much it cost. “It’s $1.10,” he replied. Parker dug into his pocket, found only a bill and said, “All I have is a dollar.” “That’s OK,” the proprietor said, “I’ll trust you for it.” “Well, that’s mighty nice of you,” Parker responded, and picking up the watermelon, started to leave. “Hey, where are you going?” the man behind the counter demanded. “I’m going outside to eat my watermelon.” “But you forgot to give me the dollar!” “You said you would trust me for it,” Parker called back. “Yeah, but I meant I would trust you for the dime!” “Mack,” Parker replied, “You weren’t going to trust me at all. You were just going to take a ten-cent gamble on my integrity!”

I was speaking at an open-air crusade in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Billy Graham was to speak the next night and had arrived a day early. He came incognito and sat on the grass at the rear of the crowd. Because he was wearing a hat and dark glasses, no one recognized him.

Directly in front of him sat an elderly gentleman who seemed to be listening intently to my presentation. When I invited people to come forward as an open sign of commitment, Billy decided to do a little personal evangelism. He tapped the man on the shoulder and asked, “Would you like to accept Christ? I’ll be glad to walk down with you if you want to.”

The old man looked him up and down, thought it over for a moment, and then said, “Naw, I think I’ll just wait till the big gun comes tomorrow night.”

Billy and I have had several good chuckles over that incident. Unfortunately, it underlines how, in the minds of many people, evangelism is the task of the “Big Guns,” not the “little shots.”

Pastor William E. Sangster told of an experience in his youth when he went on a vacation with some friends. Within a short time he had spent all the funds given him for the trip, so he wrote home for more. His father, thinking he should teach his son the value of money, did not respond to the request. Sangster’s companions wondered why he had been turned down and suggested several reasons. Young William said to them, “I’ll wait till I get home, and he’ll tell me himself.”

That’s the kind of attitude we as Christians should have toward our Heavenly Father. Life itself holds many unanswered questions. But we know that God is sovereign and that He works all things after the counsel of His own will (Eph. 1:11). Our Lord has said, “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts” (Isa. 55:9). We are limited in our comprehension of all that He is doing in our lives 1 Cor. 13:12). An explanation for many of the problems that confront us, the trials through which we pass, and the wounds that bring such hurt will have to wait until we get to heaven. Although God does not need to explain the reasons for His dealings with us, someday He will unveil His matchless wisdom to us.

We need patience to wait for the final answer. In that day when we awake in glory, we shall be fully satisfied. Though now we may not trace God’s hand, we can always trust His heart. - P.R.V.

I’ve been intrigued by a television advertisement for life insurance. It’s about a businessman who thinks that he was almost hit by a car. Somewhat ruffled, he says, “Whew, that was close! I didn’t think I was going to make it.” Suddenly two men in white suits join him on the busy street, and one of them replies, “You didn’t!” The three then engage in some light talk as they begin walking together. The businessman remarks that at least he has peace of mind because he knows his family is covered by insurance. then they all mysteriously walk through some solid objects to show that they are now existing in a new dimension. The real punch comes in the last line of the ad, however, as the man and his two escorts are riding an escalator up into the clouds. It is then that you hear him say with relief, “I’m sure glad we’re going up!”

That last line was meant to provide some comic relief, but for the thoughtful person it raises the serious issue of heaven and hell. It reminds us of Jesus’ words in today’s Scripture that not all people are “going up.” He said that in the resurrection some would come forth unto the resurrection of life and some unto the resurrection of damnation. Jesus is the only One who can five us eternal life. When we place our trust in Christ, who died for us, He assures us of an eternal home in heaven. - M.R.D. II

It started like so many evenings. Mom and Dad at home and Jimmy playing after dinner. Mom and Dad were absorbed with jobs and did not notice the time. It was a full moon and some of the light seeped through the windows. Then Mom glanced at the clock. “Jimmy, it’s time to go to bed. Go up now and I’ll come and settle you later.” Unlike usual, Jimmy went straight upstairs to his room. An hour or so later his mother came up to check if all was well, and to her astonishment found that her son was staring quietly out of his window at the moonlit scenery. “What are you doing, Jimmy?” “I’m looking at the moon, Mommy.” “Well, it’s time to go to bed now.” As one reluctant boy settled down, he said, “Mommy, you know one day I’m going to walk on the moon.”

Who could have known that the boy in whom the dream was planted that night would survive a near fatal motorbike crash which broke almost every bone in his body, and would bring to fruition this dream 32 years later when James Irwin stepped on the moon’s surface, just one of the 12 representatives of the human race to have done so?

I’m in my eternal home now! It’s all true! This place is absolutely magnificent. Human words cannot explain it. And I’m so alive, so free, so happy, so perfectly content. I’m home now! My mind is clear, all pain is gone, my hopes and dreams have all been satisfied the moment I left earth’s shores and landed here.

Thank God—I’m home now! There are no misunderstandings in this place! No anger, no harsh words, no hurt feelings, no selfish acts, no problems on my part or that of others. I see plainly here and although God’s will was sometimes hard for me to see on earth, here it is beautifully perceived.

Praise the Lord—I’m home now! Sorrow is foreign to this place and I have yet to see anyone weeping. And the friends that I’ve met, you wouldn’t believe. And they seem so different and so gracious. I’ll probably spend half of eternity talking to them!

I’m home now! The greatest thrill was to see my Savior—face to face! If I could cry I would, but I’m just consumed with such joy and love that it defies comprehension. Mortals on earth cannot know it. It is just unexplainable!

I’m home now! I’m filled with God’s glory and with His radiance. I’ve found that talking to people on earth about Jesus has made the inhabitants of this place extremely delighted. They said that I would meet some of those I brought to the Savior later on. That gave me rapture because I now know what this abode is like.

So I’m home now! If I could speak from this side to your side I would say that the old adage is never out of date. It goes, “Only one life, twill soon be past, only what’s done for Christ will last.” And in parting let me say, don’t ever pity me, or shed bitter tears, I’m better off now than in all my earthly years. I’ve started my new life and it’s been worth it all. I trust I’ll meet you again here. Maranatha! I’m home...now! I’m Home!

A manager and a sales rep stood looking at a map on which colored pins indicated the company representative in each area. “I’m not going to fire you, Wilson,” the manager said, “but I’m loosening your pin a bit just to emphasize the insecurity of your situation.”

“You’re just out of date,” said young Pastor Bate

To one of our faithful old preachers

Who had carried for years in travail and tears

The gospel to poor sinful creatures.

“You still preach on Hades, and shock cultured ladies

“With your barbarous doctrine of blood!

“You’re so far behind you will never catch up—

“You’re a flat tire stuck in the mud!”

For some little while, a bit of a smile

enlightened the old preacher’s face.

Being made the butt of ridicule’s cut

Did not ruffle his sweetness and grace.

Then he returned to young Bate, so suave and sedate.

“Catch up, did my ears hear you say?

“Why, I couldn’t succeed if I doubled my speed,

“My friend, I’m not going your way!”

They say that I am growing old

I’ve heard them say it times untold

In language plain and bold

But I’m not growing old

This frail old shell in which I dwell

Is growing old I know full well

But I’m not growing old.

What if my hair has turned gray

Gray hair is honorable, they say

What if my eye sight’s growing dim

I can still see to follow Him

Who sacrificed His life for me

There on the cross of Calvary

Why should I care if time’s old plow

Has dug some furrows in my brow.

Another house not made with hand

Awaits me in the glory land.

My hearing may not be as keen

As in the past, it may have been

Still I can hear my Savior say

Come faltering child, this is the way.

The outward man, do what I can

To lengthen out this life’s short span

Shall perish and return to dust

As everything in nature must.

But the inward man the Scriptures say

Ah, the inward man

Is growing stronger every day.

Then how can I be growing old?

I’m safe within the Saviour’s fold

‘Er long my soul shall fly away

And leave this tenement of clay

This robe of flesh I’ll drop and rise

To seize the everlasting prize

I’ll meet you on the streets of gold

And prove that I’m not growing old.

- John E. Roberts

A lady answered the knock on her door to find a man with a sad expression.

“I’m sorry to disturb you,” he said, “but I’m collecting money for an unfortunate family in the neighborhood. The husband is out of work, the kids are hungry, the utilities will soon be cut off, and worse, they’re going to be kicked out of their apartment if they don’t pay the rent by this afternoon.”

“I’ll be happy to help,” said the woman with great concern. “But who are you?”

“I’m the landlord,” he replied.

Would you be willing to give up your career, your aspirations, and a $600,000 annual salary if your family was in need? I know a man who did.

In 1985 Tim Burke saw his boyhood dream come true the day he was signed to pitch for the Montreal Expos. After four years in the minors, he was finally given a chance to play in the big leagues. And he quickly proved to be worth his salt—setting a record for the most relief appearances by a rookie player.

Along the way, however, Tim and his wife, Christine, adopted four children with very special needs—two daughters from South Korea, a handicapped son from Guatemala, and another son from Vietnam. All of the children were born with very serious illnesses or defects. Neither Tim nor Christine was prepared for the tremendous demands such a family would bring. And with the grueling schedule of major-league baseball, Tim was seldom around to help. So in 1993, only three months after signing a $600,000 contract with the Cincinnati Reds, he decided to retire.

When pressed by reporters to explain this unbelievable decision, he simply said, “Baseball is going to do just fine without me. But I’m the only father my children have.”

Heroes are in short supply these days. Tim and Christine Burke are two of them.

A man with a wife and daughter picked up the phone and dialed his home. There was a phone in the kitchen and an extension upstairs. Two female voices answered simultaneously, “I’ve got it,” followed by two clicks as both hung up.

To get his goodnight kiss he stood

Beside my chair one night

And raised an eager face to me,

A face with love alight.

And as I gathered in my arms

The son God gave to me,

I thanked the lad for being good,

And hoped he'd always be.

His little arms crept round my neck

And then I heard him say

Four simple words I can't forget

Four words that made me pray.

They turned a mirror in my soul,

On secrets no one knew.

They startled me; I hear them yet,

He said, "I'll be like you."

On a Friday morning an eager young man from Stanford University stood before Louis Janin seeking part-time employment. "All I need right now," said Janin, "is a typist." "I'll take the job," said the young man, "but I can't come back until next Tuesday." On Tuesday he reported for duty. "Why couldn't you come back before today?" Janin wanted to know. "Because I had to rent a typewriter and learn to use it," was the unexpected answer. That quickly-prepared typist was Herbert Hoover. Do you know of a place where there is almost no witness for Christ at all? Learn the job that will take you there.

When you give a guy a raise, that’s the time to increase his responsibilities. Reward him at the same time you motivate him to do even more. Hit him with more while he’s up, and never be tough on him when he’s down. When he’s upset over his own failure, you run the risk of hurting him badly and taking away his incentive to improve. As a mentor used to say, “If you want to give a man credit, put it in writing. If you want to give him hell, do it on the phone.”

On November 25, 1895, a cornerstone of ice was laid in Leadville, Colorado, the beginning of the largest ice palace ever built in America.

The town was in the doldrums; the repeal of the Sherman Silver Purchase Act in 1893 had ended its glory days as a silver-mining center. In an effort to keep their city alive, the citizens staged a winter carnival. On New Year’s Day, 1896, the town turned out for the grand opening. The palace, costing more than $40,000 and measuring 450 feet long by 320 feet deep, covered more than three acres. The towers that flanked the entrance were 90 feet high. Inside was a 16,000-square-foot skating rink.

But there was no pot of gold at the end of this rainbow. The thousands of visitors who came to see the spectacle spent very little money. The town that put its hope in an ice palace saw that hope melt away.

In the frigid waters around Greenland are countless icebergs, some little and some gigantic. If you’d observe them carefully, you’d notice that sometimes the small ice floes move in one direction while their massive counterparts flow in another. The explanation is simple. Surface winds drive the little ones, whereas the huge masses of ice are carried along by deep ocean currents. When we face trials and tragedies, it’s helpful to see our lives as being subject to two forces—surface winds and ocean currents. The winds represent everything changeable, unpredictable, and distressing. But operating simultaneously with these gusts and gales is another force that’s even more powerful. It is the sure movement of God’s wise and sovereign purposes, the deep flow of His unchanging love.

A flourishing church was once reduced to complete ineffectuality. Sunday school had customarily been held in the afternoon. But the pastor and others in the church wanted to change it to the morning hour. They knew that the Sunday school superintendent was strongly opposed to this. Rather than face the matter openly with him, they met in secret and voted to change the hour. When he learned of it, his feelings were deeply hurt. Angry words were exchanged. People in the church began to take sides, and soon a sizable faction moved out. Bitterness quenched the work of the Spirit, and what was once a deeply spiritual and soul-winning church became a poorly attended one. Lacking support, the edifice itself became shabby and unattractive, reflecting outwardly the destructive result of jealousy that led to strife and divisions.

An item in “The Report Card” told of a study done in Colorado in which 3000 high school seniors were asked about their best teachers. From their responses this composite was drawn. The ideal teacher:

1. is genuinely concerned and interested in students as individuals;

2. requires students to work;

3. is impartial in dealing with students; and

4. is obviously enthusiastic about teaching.

This is an identification of the universe with God. With this view there is a blurring of the distinction between the Creator and the creation as well as an attack upon the personality and nature of God. Pantheism tends to equate God with the process of the universe and states that the universe is God and God is the universe. This is not true because God is the creator of the universe (Is. 44:24) and therefore separate from it.

As pantheists readily admit, they believe that there is no real difference between good and evil “on the highest level of consciousness.” The absurd consequences of this are vividly illustrated by the late Francis Schaeffer:

“One day I was talking to a group of people in the digs of a young South African in Cambridge. Among others, there was present a young Indian who was of Sikh background but a Hindu by religion. He started to speak strongly against Christianity, but did not really understand the problems of his own beliefs. So I said, “Am I not correct in saying that on the basis of your system, cruelty and non-cruelty are ultimately equal, that there is no intrinsic difference between them?” He agreed…the student in whose room we met, who had clearly understood the implications of what the Sikh had admitted, picked up his kettle of boiling water with which he was about to make tea, and stood with it steaming over the Indian’s head. The man looked up and asked him what he was doing and he said, with a cold yet gentle finality, “There is no difference between cruelty and non-cruelty.” Thereupon the Hindu walked out into the night.”

1. Is his/her behavior disruptive?

2. Is the attack irrational?

3. Does he/she go out of h/h way to initiate trouble?

4. Does h/s make insatiable demands?

5. Are h/h concerns minimal or fabricated?

6. Does h/s avoid causes that involve personal risk/suffering/sacrifice?

7. Does h/h motivation appear selfish?

Red Flags To Watch For:

1. Previous track record

2. Parallel track record (antagonist at work, school, club, etc.)

3. Nameless others: “At least 24 others feel this same way.”

4. Criticism of predecessor

5. Instant buddy

6. Gushing praise

7. “I Gotcha!” Asks leading questions, tries to trap you.

8. Extraordinary likeability

9. Church hopper

10. Liar

11. Uses aggressive means: extreme, combative, unethical

12. Flashes $$$

13. Takes notes at inappropriate times

14. Sarcasm, cutting language

15. Different drummer, always doing things their own way

16. A pest--incessant phone calls, questions, etc.

17. The “cause”

Early Warning Signs:

1. Chill in the relationship

2. Honeyed “concerns” -- “Dear pastor, I have a concern about …” may mean “I’m angry!!”

3. Nettlesome questions

4. Mobilizing forces, pot stirring

5. Meddling in others’ responsibilities

6. Resistance

Later Warning Signs:

1. Sloganeering

2. Accusing

3. Spying

4. Distorting

5. Misquoting scripture

6. “Judas kissing” -- “I’m your friend, but I have to say…”

7. Smirking

8. Letter writing (don’t respond with a lengthy, reasoned answer)

9. Pretense

10. Lobbying

Preventing Antagonism:

1. Follow established policies

2. Functional feedback channels

3. Job descriptions

4. Broad base of responsibility

5. Discipline that works

6. Anticipatory socialization--let people know plans

7. United front within leadership

Relating To Dormant Antagonists:

1. Act professionally

2. Keep your distance

3. Be accurate, don’t guess, estimate

4. Avoid excessive positive reinforcement

5. Tighten the reins

6. Don’t seek sympathy from others

7. Don’t form a committee to look into accusations, this only appears to give credibility to their charges

8. Don’t call for a vote of confidence

Unamuno, the Spanish philosopher, tells about the Roman aqueduct at Segovia, in his native Spain. It was built in 109 A.D. For eighteen hundred years, it carried cool water from the mountains to the hot and thirsty city. Nearly sixty generations of men drank from its flow. Then came another generation, a recent one, who said, “This aqueduct is so great a marvel that it ought to be preserved for our children, as a museum piece. We shall relieve it of its centuries-long labor.” They did; they laid modern iron pipes. They gave the ancient bricks and mortar a reverent rest. And the aqueduct began to fall apart. The sun beating on the dry mortar caused it to crumble. The bricks and stone sagged and threatened to fall. What ages of service could not destroy idleness disintegrated.

Joe Aldrich, Friendship Evangelism, Billy Graham Evangelistic Association

If to be a Christian is worthwhile, then the most ordinary interest in those with whom we come in contact would prompt us to speak to them of Christ.

If the New Testament be true—and we know that it is—who has given us the right to place the responsibility for soul-winning on other shoulders than our own?

If they who reject Christ are in danger, is it not strange that we, who are so sympathetic when the difficulties are physical or temporal, should apparently be so devoid of interest as to allow our friends and neighbors and kindred to come into our lives and pass out again without a word of invitation to accept Christ, to say nothing of sounding a note of warning because of their peril?

If today is the day of salvation, if tomorrow may never come and if life is equally uncertain, how can we eat, drink and be merry when those who live with us, work with us, walk with us and love us are unprepared for eternity because they are unprepared for time?

If Jesus called his disciples to be fishers of men, who gave us the right to be satisfied with making fishing tackle or pointing the way to the fishing banks instead of going ourselves to cast out the net until it be filled?

If Jesus himself went seeking the lost, if Paul the Apostle was in agony because his kinsmen, according to the flesh, knew not Christ, why should we not consider it worthwhile to go out after the lost until they are found?

If I am to stand at the judgment seat of Christ to render an account for the deeds done in the Body, what shall I say to him if my children are missing, if my friends are not saved or if my employer or employee should miss the way because I have been faithless?

If I wish to be approved at the last, then let me remember that no intellectual superiority, no eloquence in preaching, no absorption in business, no shrinking temperament or no spirit of timidity can take the place of or be an excuse for my not making an honest, sincere, prayerful effort to win others to Christ.

By J. Wilbur Chapman

If to be a Christian is worthwhile, then the most ordinary interest in those with whom we come in contact would prompt us to speak to them of Christ.

If the New Testament be true—and we know that it is—who has given us the right to place the responsibility for soul-winning on other shoulders than our own?

If they who reject Christ are in danger, is it not strange that we, who are so sympathetic when the difficulties are physical or temporal, should apparently be so devoid of interest as to allow our friends and neighbors and kindred to come into our lives and pass out again without a word of invitation to accept Christ, to say nothing of sounding a note of warning because of their peril?

If today is the day of salvation, if tomorrow may never come, and if life is equally uncertain, how can we eat, drink and be merry when those who live with us, work with us, walk with us and love us are unprepared for eternity because they are unprepared for time?

If Jesus called his disciples to be fishers of men, who gave us the right to be satisfied with making fishing tackle or pointing the way to the fishing banks instead of going ourselves to cast out the net until it be filled?

If Jesus himself went seeking the lost, if Paul the Apostle was in agony because his kinsmen, according to the flesh, knew not Christ, why should we not consider it worthwhile to go out after the lost until they are found?

If I am to stand at the judgment seat of Christ to render an account for the deeds done in the body, what shall I say to him if my children are missing, if my friends are not saved, or if my employer or employee should miss the way because I have been faithless?

If I wish to be approved at the last, then let me remember that no intellectual superiority, no eloquence in preaching, no absorption in business, no shrinking temperament or no spirit of timidity can take the place of or be an excuse for my not making an honest, sincere, prayerful effort to win others to Christ.

If you had to name the one most important ingredient of human beauty, what would you say it is?

If you were to prescribe a cure for grief, what would it entail?

If you were to have bells ring out loud automatically (for all to hear) every time you did a certain thing, what would it be?

If you had to name a smell that always makes you nostalgic, what would it be?

If you could keep only one book you currently own, which would you choose?

If you suddenly found the courage to do one thing you have always been afraid of doing, what would you want it to be?

If you could change one thing about your typical day, what would it be?

If you were to pick the one thing that always makes you smile, what would it be?

Two million documents will be lost by the IRS this year.

811,000 faulty rolls of 35mm film will be loaded this year.

22,000 checks will be deducted from the wrong bank accounts in the next 60 minutes.

1,314 phone calls will be misplaced by telecommunication services every minute.

12 babies will be given to the wrong parents each day.

268,500 defective tires will be shipped this year.

14,208 defective personal computers will be shipped this year.

103,260 income tax returns will be processed incorrectly this year.

2,488,200 books will be shipped in the next 12 months with the wrong cover.

5,517,200 cases of soft drinks produced in the next 12 months will be flatter than a bad tire.

Two plane landings daily at O’Hare International Airport in Chicago will be unsafe.

3,056 copies of tomorrow’s Wall Street Journal will be missing one of the three sections.

18,322 pieces of mail will be mishandled in the next hour.

291 pacemaker operations will be performed incorrectly this year.

880,000 credit cards in circulation will turn out to have incorrect cardholder information on their magnetic strips.

$9,690 will be spent today, tomorrow, next Thursday, and every day in the future on defective, often unsafe sporting equipment.

55 malfunction automatic teller machines will be installed in the next 12 months.

20,000 incorrect drug prescriptions will be written in the next 12 months.

114,500 mismatched pairs of shoes will be shipped this year.

$761,900 will be spent in the next 12 months on tapes and compact discs that won’t play.

107 incorrect medical procedures will be performed by the end of the day today.

315 entries in Webster’s Third New International Dictionary of the English Language will turn out to be misspelled.

It was F. B. Meyer, I believe, who once said that when we see a brother or sister in sin, there are two things we do not know: First, we do not know how hard he or she tried not to sin. And second, we do not know the power of the forces that assailed him or her. We also do not know what we would have done in the same circumstances.

Paul Dickson, a 39 year-old writer became interested in the phenomena of universal laws when he discovered that the size of the cut he inflicted upon himself while shaving was directly proportional to the importance of the event he was shaving for.

1. If anything can go wrong, it will.

2. Nothing is ever as simple as it seems.

3. Everything takes longer than you expect.

4. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will go wrong first will be the one that will do the most damage.

5. Left to themselves, all things go from bad to worse.

6. If you play with something long enough, you will surely break it.

7. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

8. If you see that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.

9. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

10. It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.

11. The consumer report on the item will come out a week after you’ve made your purchase.The one you ought will be rated “unacceptable” or The one you almost bought will be rated “best buy”

12. Gold’s Law: If the shoe fits, its ugly.

13. If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don’t want hits the paper.

14. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

15. If everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

16. When you dial a wrong number you never get a busy signal.

17. Law of Gardening: You get the most of what you need the least.

18. Jones’s Law: Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

19. Eve’s Discovery: At a sale, the only suit or dress that you like and that fits is not the one on sale.

20. Nothing will be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome.

21. Harris’s Law: Any philosophy that can be put “in a nutshell” belongs there. - Sidney J. Harris

22. Douglas’s Law of Practical Aeronautics: When the weight of the paperwork equals weight of the plane, the plane will fly. - Donald Douglas

23. Unnamed Law: If it happens, it must be possible.

24. Wing-Walking, First Law of: Never leave hold of what you’ve got until you’ve got hold of something else.

25. Bucy’s Law: Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man. - Fred Bucy

26. Clopton’s Law: For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.

27. United Law: If an organization carries the word “united” in its name, it means it isn’t: e.g., United Nations, United Arab Republic, United Kingdom, United States.

28. Kafka’s Law: In the fight between you and the world, back the world. - Franz Kafka

29. Ettorre’s observation: The other line moves faster. This applies to all lines—bank, supermarket, toll booth, customs. If you change lines, then the other line—the one you were in originally—will move faster.

30. Osborn’s Law: Variables won’t, constants aren’t.

31. Never use one word when a dozen will suffice.

32. If it can be understood, it is not finished yet.

33. Never do anything for the first time.

34. Marshall’s generalized iceberg theorem: Seven-eighths of everything can’t be seen.

35. Runyon’s Law: The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong. But that’s the way to bet.

36. The severity of an itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

37. Paige’s Sixth Rule: Don’t look back; something might be gaining on you. - Satchel Paige

38. Kristol’s Law: Being frustrated is disagreeable, but the real disasters in life begin when you get what you want. - Irving Kristol.

39. Parkinson’s Law: (1) Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. (2) Expenditure rises to meet income. C. Northcote Parkinson

40. Peer’s Law: The solution to a problem changes the problem. - John Peers

41. Corcoran’s Law: All papers that you save will never be needed until such time as they are disposed of, when they become essential. - John Corcoran

42. Darwin’s Observation: Nature will tell you a direct lie if she can. - Charles Darwin

43. Thurber’s Conclusion: There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else. - James Thurber, Fables for Our Time

44. A spilled drink flows in the direction of the most expensive object. - Judye Briggs, in The New Official Rules, P. Dickson

45. 45. Law of milk and other precious commodities: The less you have, the more you spill.

46. Law of epistolary effort: Troublesome correspondence that is postponed long enough will eventually become irrelevant.

47. Law of repair: Anything adjustable will sooner or later need adjustment

48. Harrison’s Postulate: For every action, there is an equal and opposite critisicm.

49. A dog’s affection increases in direct proportion to how wet and sandy he is.

50. When you come in late for work, everybody notices; when you work late, nobody notices.

51. The waitress always comes around to ask you how your food is whenever your mouth is full.

52. The average time between throwing something away and needing it badly is about two weeks.

53. Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.

54. If you treat a sick child like an adult and a sick adult like a child, everything works out pretty well.

55. Checks are always delayed in the mail. Bills arrive or time or sooner.

56. If you do a job twice, it’s yours.

57. Smith’s Fourth Law of Inertia: A body at rest tends to watch television.

58. No matter how many show up for choir practice, you will need one more copy of the music.

59. The shorter the agenda the longer the meeting.

60. When you’re right, nobody remembers; when you’re wrong, nobody forgets.

61. O’Reilly’s Law: No matter what goes wrong, there’s always someone who knew it would.

62. Kilpatrick’s Law: Interchangeable parts aren’t.

63. Shanahan’s Law: The length of the meeting is the square of the number of people present.

64. Brennan’s Law: Paper is always strongest at the perforations.

65. Dooley’s Law: If something happens to you, it has previously happened to all your friends.

66. Never hire a plumber who wears rubber boots or an electrician with scorched eyebrows. - Ashley Cooper

67. Thomas’s Rules of the Game: a) No matter how well you do something, someone won’t like it. b) No matter how trivial the assignment, it is always possible to build it up to a major issue.

68. Herman’s Rule: If it works right the first time, you’ve obviously done something wrong. - Pat (Mrs. Herman) Jett

69. Toomey’s Rule: It is easy to make decisions on matters for which you have no responsibility.

70. Immediately after you buy an item, you find a coupon for it. - Bill Copeland

71. The first person who gets off a crowded elevator is always standing in the back. Carl Dombeck

72. The last key in the bunch usually opens the lock.

73. The weaker the arguments, the stronger the words. - Dave Gneiser

74. If a problem causes many meetings, the meetings eventually become more important than the problem.

While pursuing a story about equivocation in high office, I was told, “He gave an if-by-whiskey speech.” My source, asked about his curious compound adjective, said he thought it was a Florida political expression possibly borrowed from a Minnesota Congressman. That triggered a call to Richard B. Stone, now a Washington banker, but a former U.S. Senator from Florida familiar with that state’s political patois. He immediately recognized the phrase, meaning “calculated ambivalence,” and provided the following anecdote:

Fuller Warren, Florida’s governor in the ’50s, was running for office in a year that counties were voting their local option on permitting the sale of liquor. Asked for his position on wet-versus-dry, he would say: “If by whiskey you mean the water of life that cheers men’s souls, that smooths out the tensions of the day, that gives gentle perspective to one’s view of life, then put my name on the list of the fervent wets. But if by whiskey you mean the devil’s brew that rends families, destroys careers and ruins one’s ability to work, then count me in the ranks of the dries.”

A little fellow in the hospital had had a piece of deformed bone removed from his arm. He got well, but before he left the place he sent for the doctor. "You wish to see me, Willie?" asked the doctor. The little fellow reached up his hand and laid it on the doctor's shoulder and said, "My mama will never hear the last about you." I think that if we fully realized what Christ has done for us, we would say to Him, "My friends will never hear the last about You."

Whenever the Lord assigns us a difficult task, He gives us what we need to carry it out. John Wesley wrote, “Among the many difficulties of our early ministry, my brother Charles often said, ‘If the Lord would give me wings, I’d fly.’ I used to answer, ‘If God bids me fly, I will trust Him for the wings.’”

If God did not bless, not one hair, not a solitary wisp of straw, would grow; but there would be an end of everything. At the same time God wants me to take this stance: I would have nothing whatever if I did not plow and sow. God does not want to have success come without work, and yet I am not to achieve it by my work. He does not want me to sit at home, to loaf, to commit matters to God, and to wait till a fried chicken flies into my mouth. That would be tempting God.

While touring Italy, a man visited a cathedral that had been completed on the outside only. Once inside, the traveler found an artist kneeling before an enormous wall upon which he had just begun to create a mosaic. On some tables nearby were thousands of pieces of colored ceramic. Curious, the visitor asked the artist how he would ever finish such a large project. The artist answered that he knew how much he could accomplish in one day. Each morning, he marked off an area to be completed that day and didn’t worry about what remained outside that space. That was the best he could do; and if he faithfully did his best, one day the mosaic would be finished.

If Christ was meant just as an example, He’s over engineered—i.e. a Porsche sports car engineered to do 150 m.p.h. that can only be driven at 55 m.p.h. A good example would be Mother Teresa. She was within reach. If Christ is an example, no one needs him. If He’s a sacrifice, we all need him.

The Lord I love went on ahead

To make a home for me He said.

He would come back again, and He

Oh, Gracious Love He wrote to me!

He knew I was so weak and blind

And foolish, that I could not find

The road alone. He wrote me things

That all earth’s wisemen and its kings

Have never guessed but I foreknow.

For I read His letter and oh

The depths of love on every sheet

My soul is trembling at His feet

What would He have thought of me

I when I saw Him I should say

I was to busy everyday

To read the letter You wrote to me

I really hadn’t time for Thee.

In Brief

Admit God’s Word to be His message to you.

Submit to the authority of the Book.

Commit the words of the Scriptures to your memory.

Transmit the message to someone else.

The Lord I love went on ahead

To make a home for me He said.

He would come back again, and He

Oh, Gracious Love He wrote to me!

He knew I was so weak and blind

And foolish, that I could not find

The road alone. He wrote me things

That all earth’s wisemen and its kings

Have never guessed but I foreknow.

For I read His letter and oh

The depths of love on every sheet

My soul is trembling at His feet

What would He have thought of me

If when I saw Him I should say

I was to busy everyday

To read the letter You wrote to me

I really hadn’t time for Thee.

“I’m so depressed and I can’t get any dates,” the 300-pound man told his minister. “I’ve tried everything to lose weight.”

“I think I can help,” said the minister. “Be dressed and ready to go tomorrow at 8 a.m.”

Next morning, a beautiful woman in a skintight exercise suit knocked on the man’s door. “If you can catch me, you can have me,” she said, as she took off. He huffed and puffed after her.

This routine went on every day for the next five months. The man lost 115 pounds and felt confident that he would catch the woman the next day. That morning he whipped open his front door and found a 300-pound woman in a jogging suit waiting for him. “The minister said to tell you,” she began, “that if I can catch you, I can have you.”

Many think that assurance is not to be had while traveling through this world--they must wait till they get before the terrible judgment seat to know whether they are accepted or not. And I find some ministers preach this precious doctrine from their pulpits. I heard of a minister who, while on his way to the burial of a man, began to talk upon the subject of assurance. "Why," said he, "if I knew for a certainty that I was saved the carriage couldn't hold me. I would have to jump out with joy." A man should be convinced that he has the gospel, before he preaches it to anyone else. Why, a man need not try to pull a man out of the river if he is in it himself. A man need not try to lift a man out of a pit if he is there too. No man can preach salvation till he knows he is saved.

If you’ve ever heard someone vow, “If I were rich, I’d give away most of my money,” don’t bank on it. The stats show that people with higher incomes give away a smaller percentage of their wealth.

Income

% Given Away

Under $10,000

3.6%

$10-19,999

3.4%

$20-29,999

2.5%

$30-39,999

1.8%

$40-49,999

2.3%

$50-74,999

2.0%

$75-99,999

1.9%

$100,000 and above

2.5%

If I were the prince of darkness I’d want to engulf the whole world in darkness, and I’d have a third of its real estate and four fifths of its population. But I wouldn’t be happy until I had seized the ripest apple on the tree: thee.

So I’d set about however necessary, to take over the United States. I’d subvert the churches first. I’d begin with a campaign of whispers. With the wisdom of a serpent I would whisper to you as I whispered to Eve, “Do as you please.” To the young I would whisper that the Bible is a myth. I would convince them that man created God, instead of the other way around. I would confide that what’s bad is good, and what’s good is square. And the old I would teach to pray after me, “our father which art in Washington...”

And then I’d get organized: I’d educate authors in how to make lurid literature exciting so that anything else would appear dull and uninteresting. I’d threaten TV with dirtier movies, and visa versa. I’d peddle narcotics to whom I could. I’d sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction. I’d tranquilize the rest with pills.

If I were the devil I’d soon have families at war with themselves; churches at war with themselves; and nations at war with themselves; until each in its turn was consumed. And with promises of higher ratings, I’d have mesmerizing media fanning the flames.

If I were the devil I would encourage schools to refine young intellect, but neglect to discipline emotions; just let those run wild, until before you knew it you’d have to have drug-sniffing dogs and metal detectors at every schoolhouse door.

Within a decade I’d have prisons overflowing; I’d have judges promoting pornography. Soon I could evict God from the courthouse, then from the schoolhouse, and then from the houses of Congress. And in His own churches I would substitute psychology for religion and deify science. I would lure priests and pastors into misusing boys and girls—and church money.

If I were the devil I’d make the symbol of Easter an egg, and the symbol of Christmas a bottle.

If I were the devil I’d take from those who have, and give to those who want it, until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious. And what’ll you bet I couldn’t get whole states to promote gambling as the way to get rich.

I would caution against extremes, and hard work, and patriotism, and moral conduct. I would convince the young that marriage is old fashioned—that swinging is more fun. That what you see on TV is the way to be. And thus I could undress you in public, and I could lure you into bed with diseases for which there is no cure.

In other words, if I were the devil I would just keep on doing what he is doing.

David, a 2-year old with leukemia, was taken by him mother, Deborah, to Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, to see Dr. John Truman who specializes in treating children with cancer and various blood diseases. Dr. Truman’s prognosis was devastating: “He has a 50-50 chance.”

The countless clinic visits, the blood tests, the intravenous drugs, the fear and pain—the mother’s ordeal can be almost as bad as the child’s because she must stand by, unable to bear the pain herself. David never cried in the waiting room, and although his friends in the clinic had to hurt him and stick needles in him, he hustled in ahead of him mother with a smile, sure of the welcome he always got. When he was three, David had to have a spinal tap—a painful procedure at any age. It was explained to him that, because he was sick, Dr. Truman had to do something to make him better. “If it hurts, remember it’s because he loves you,” Deborah said.

The procedure was horrendous. It took three nurses to hold David still, while he yelled and sobbed and struggled. When it was almost over, the tiny boy, soaked in sweat and tears, looked up at the doctor and gasped, “Thank you, Dr. Tooman, for my hurting.”

One of my favorite stories comes from a man who used to be in our church. He and his wife were close friends of our family, but they have now moved to another part of the country. We really miss their joyful presence. When he was a youth worker many years ago in an ethnic community, he attended a church that had Scandinavian roots. Being a rather forward-looking and creative young man, he decided he would show the youth group a missionary film. We’re talking simple, safe, black-and-white religious-oriented movie. That film projector hadn’t been off an hour before a group of the leaders in the church called him in and asked him about what he had done. They asked, “Did you show the young people a film?” In all honesty he responded, “Well, yeah, I did.” “We don’t like that,” they replied. Without trying to be argumentative, the youth worker reasoned, “Well, I remember that at the last missionary conference, our church showed slides—” One of the church officers put his hand up signaling him to cease talking. Then, in these words, he emphatically explained the conflict: “If it’s still, fine. If it moves, sin!” You can show slides, but when they start movin’, you’re gettin’ into sin.

TO: Jesus, Son of Joseph

Woodcrafters Carpenter Shop

Nazareth 25922

FROM: Jordan Management

Consultants

Jerusalem 26544

Dear Sir:

Thank you for submitting the résumés of the twelve men you have picked for management positions in your new organization. All of them have not taken our battery of tests; and we have not only run the results through our computer, but also arranged personal interviews for each of them with our psychologist and vocational aptitude consultant.

The profiles of all tests are included, and you will want to study each of them carefully.

As part of our service and for your guidance, we make some general comments, much as an auditor will include some general statements. This is given as a result of staff consultation and comes without any additional fee.

It is the staff opinion that most of your nominees are lacking in background, education and vocational aptitude for the type of enterprise you are undertaking. They do not have team concept. We recommend that you continue your search for per sons of experience in managerial ability and proven capability.

Simon Peter is emotionally unstable and given to fits of temper. Andrew has absolutely no qualities of leadership. The two brothers, James and John, the sons of Zebedee, place personal interest above company loyalty. Thomas demonstrates a questioning attitude that would tend to undermine morale. We feel that it is our duty to tell you that Matthew has been blacklisted by the Greater Jerusalem Better Business Bureau. James, the son of Alpheaus, and Thaddaeus definitely have radical leanings, and they both registered a high score on the manic-depressive scale.

One of the candidates, however, shows great potential. He is a man of ability and resourcefulness, meets people well, has a keen business mind and has contacts in high places. He is highly motivated, ambitious and responsible. We recommend Judas Iscariot as your comptroller and right-hand man. All the other profiles are self-explanatory.

We wish you every success in your new venture.

Sincerely Yours,

Jordan Management Committee

If we discovered that we had five minutes left to say all we wanted to say, every telephone booth would be occupied by people calling other people to stammer that they love them. Why wait until the last five minutes?

A preacher asked a certain man why he had just ceased to attend the services of the church. The man replied, "They haven't treated me right over there." The preacher asked, "Then why don't you go home and beat your wife?" The startled backslider gave the preacher a look which questioned his sanity. "My wife hasn't done anything against me," he said.

"Well," the preacher said, "has the Lord Jesus done anything against you?" Being peeved at the brethren and forsaking the Lord is about as logical as being angry with the dog and kicking the cat. If you don't believe Christ is to judge your feeling for Him by the way you treat the church, then try Mat 25:40.

Again, it may be seen from this promise that God, to some extent, has seen fit to condition His action upon the believer’s prayer; for the Scripture says; “If ye shall ask anything in my name, I will do it”; and this is the secret of all true evangelism...It is, then, the teaching of Scripture that the action of the mighty power of God in convicting and illuminating the unsaved is also, in a large measure, dependent upon the priestly intercession of the believer.

Former president Ronald Reagan once had an aunt who took him to a cobbler for a pair of new shoes. The cobbler asked young Reagan, “Do you want square toes or round toes?” Unable to decide, Reagan didn’t answer, so the cobbler gave him a few days. Several days later the cobbler saw Reagan on the street and asked him again what kind of toes he wanted on his shoes. Reagan still couldn’t decide, so the shoemaker replied, “Well, come by in a couple of days. Your shoes will be ready.”

When the future president did so, he found one square-toed and one round-toed shoe! “This will teach you to never let people make decisions for you,” the cobbler said to his indecisive customer. “I learned right then and there,” Reagan said later, “if you don’t make your own decisions, someone else will.”

90% would still have children if they had it to do over again.

A man in Iowa discovered that he had terminal cancer. For weeks he moped around the house avoiding loved ones, inwardly cursing God and wondering why this tragedy had happened to him.

Then one day he made a decision: "I am not dead yet, and I am going to live each day to its fullest the rest of my life."

Sometime later, when he was interviewed, he said he had experienced a more abundant life in the weeks after that decision than during his prior 42 years-colors seemed more vivid, the laughter of his children more bright and precious.

One suggestion he gave to help others with terminal illness was, "Consider each day as a gift from God; enjoy it fully."

My brother detonates explosives for the police department’s bomb squad. He came to my house one day sporting a distinctive T-shirt. The front read: “Hazardous Device Technician.” When he turned around, I read the back: “If you see me running, try to keep up!”

Sir Moses Montefiore, the Jewish philanthropist, had as the motto of his family, "Think and Thank." In the old Anglo-Saxon, thankfulness means "thinkfulness." Thinking of all God's goodness draws forth gratitude.

An evangelist asked all who wanted to go to heaven to raise their hands. Everyone in the audience did so, except one elderly man sitting near the front of the auditorium. The preacher pointed his finger at him and said, ‘Sir, do you mean to tell us that you don’t want to go to heaven?’

‘Sure I want to go, but the way you put the question, I figured you were getting up a busload for tonight!’

Never go to your church or meetings held there,

If you do go, be late, it’s no one’s affair.

If the weather is bad, either too hot or snowing,

Just stay home and rest, for there’ll be others going.

But should you attend, be sure and remember

To find fault with the work, each official and member.

Be sure to hold back on your offerings and tithes,

The bills will be paid by the rest of the guys.

And never take office if offered the post,

But eagerly criticize work of the host.

If not on a committee you’re placed, be sore!

If you find that you are, don’t attend any more.

When asked your opinion on this thing or that,

Have nothing to say, just turn ‘em down flat.

Then after the meeting, shine out like the sun

By telling the folks how it should have been done.

Don’t do any more than you possibly can,

Leave the work for some other woman or man.

And when you see faithful ones work themselves sick,

Then stand up and holler, “It’s run by a clique!”