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Thursday, June 6th, 2024
the Week of Proper 4 / Ordinary 9
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Simplified Cowboy Version

Acts 10

1 In Caesarea, there was a Roman Regiment Captain named Cornelius. 2 He followed God and so did all his family. He prayed every day and helped the poor as much as he could. 3 One afternoon, an angel visited him and said, "Hey, Cornelius!"

4 Cornelius was spooked something awful, but he managed to ask, "Yes, sir?"

The angel said, "Listen, buddy. God has seen what you've been doing and he thinks it's awesome. 5 Send some of your men over to Joppa and tell them to bring Pete to you. 6 He's staying with a fellow named Simon near the sea."

7 The angel left and Cornelius immediately called for two of his servants and one of his most loyal soldiers. 8 He filled them in on what had just happened and sent them to Joppa to fetch Pete.

Pete's Confusing Vision

9 It was the following day when Cornelius's men were getting close to Joppa. About this time, Pete went up on the roof to pray. It was about noon and 10 he was getting hungry. Food was being prepared in the kitchen and Pete suddenly fell into a trance. 11 They sky was folded back and something like a large tarp was being lowered by the four corners. 12 Inside the tarp was all kinds of birds, reptiles, and animals. 13 Then he heard a voice say, "Get up, Pete. Kill something and eat it."

14 "No way, Lord," Pete said. "I've never eaten anything the Jewish Code says is unclean and I'm not going to start now."

15 But the voice was adamant and said, "It ain't your job to declare something clean or not. If God says to eat it, then it is clean and you can eat it." 16 This same vision happened about three more times and then the tarp was yanked back into heaven.

17 Pete was shaking his head in confusion at what he'd just seen. Just then, the men who Cornelius had sent showed up at the house. They were standing near the front gate 18 and asked for Pete.

19 While Pete was still ponderin' the dream, the Holy Ghost said, "There's some boys here to get you. 20 Go ahead and go with them. Don't fret. I'm the one who sent them."

21 Pete went downstairs and said, "I'm Pete. What can I do for y'all, gents?"

22 One of them said, "Our boss, Cornelius, a Roman officer, sent us to fetch ya. He's well respected and rides for God. An angel told him to send for ya and we're here to take you back so you can give him your message." 23 Pete invited everyone to spend the night so they could ride out at sunrise the next day. They left out at daylight for Caesarea and some boys from Joppa rode with them.

24 When they arrived a day later, Cornelius was waiting on them. He gathered his whole family and some good buddies to listen to what Pete had to say. 25 When Pete arrived, Cornelius fell down at his feet and worshiped him. 26 But Pete lifted him up and said, "Whoa, cowboy. I'm just a man like you." 27 They talked for a second and then went inside where many people were waiting.

28 The first thing Pete said was, "Now y'all know it is against the Jewish Code for me to walk in someone's house who ain't Jewish. But God showed me yesterday that things have changed. No one is unclean in his eyes anymore. 29 So this is a first for me and I'm here without complaint. What can I do for you?"

30 Cornelius said, "Four days ago, I was praying about three o'clock in the afternoon and all of a sudden, there was a cowboy in dazzling garments standing in front of me. 31 He told me, 'Listen, buddy. God has seen what you've been doing and he thinks it's awesome. 32 Send some of your men over to Joppa and tell them to bring Pete to you. He's staying with a fellow named Simon near the sea.' 33 So I sent my men to fetch you and I appreciate you coming. Now, let's hear what God has to say through you."

34 Then Pete said, "God ain't got no favorites anymore. 35 He'll take in any stray who fears him and does what is right. 36 This is the good news for the people of Israel. We can all get a spot on God's outfit through his Son, Jesus Christ. 37 I'm sure y'all have heard everything that happened. It started in Galilee when John started preachin' and baptizin' folks. 38 And you probably heard the Boss blessed Jesus of Nazareth with the power of the Holy Ghost. Then Jesus rode the countryside doing amazing things like healing people and whipping those demons that were possessing folks. There wasn't any doubt God was with him.

39 "And we cowboys saw nearly everything he did in Judea and Jerusalem. They killed him by stringin' him up on a cross, 40 but God brought him back to life three days later. God let him appear, 41 not to everyone, but to the cowboys who rode for his Son. We ate and drank with him after he came ridin' back from the grave. 42 He told us to go out and tell folks God has made him judge over the living and the dead. 43 All the old cowboy prophets talked about Jesus and the fact that all who believe in him will be forgiven of their sins."

44 While Pete was talkin', the Holy Ghost filled everyone in the room who was listening. 45 The Jews who had ridden with Pete from Joppa couldn't believe the Holy Ghost was being given to people who were not Jewish. 46 But sure enough, these Gentiles were speaking in languages they didn't know and praising the Boss.

Then Pete said, 47 "Is anyone against baptizin' these kind folks? They've got the Ghost just like we do." 48 So Pete had them baptized in Jesus's name. Afterwards, they asked Pete to stay a couple of days with them.

 
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