Lectionary Calendar
Thursday, June 13th, 2024
the Week of Proper 5 / Ordinary 10
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Read the Bible

Simplified Cowboy Version

Acts 16

1 Paul headed north to Derbe and then on to nearby Lystra. There was a young cowboy there named, Timothy. His momma was a Jewish believer, but his daddy was a Greek. 2 Timothy was quickly becoming a hand, and everyone thought very highly of him in Lystra and Iconium. 3 Paul saw something in the young man too and invited Timothy to saddle up and ride with them. Paul took Timothy aside and told him they would be around a lot of Jews, and it would probably be better if Timothy had his pickle clipped. This wasn't for salvation, but to be able to reach more people who might be narrow-minded at first because of his daddy being Greek. 4 As they rode from place to place, they delivered the message from the main church in Jerusalem. 5 All of the churches, or outfits, they went to became larger in size and stronger in faith.

The Macedonia Dream

6 Then Paul and his little crew worked through all the countryside of Phrygia and Galatia. They would have kept going, but the Holy Spirit kept them from heading into Asia. 7 When the reined up at the border of Mysia, they wanted to continue north and go into Bithynia, but once again the Holy Spirit kept them from going. 8 With all their ways seemingly blocked, they headed west to the port at Troas. 9 That night Paul had a dream of a man from northern Greece standing there and begging him saying, "We need you in Macedonia. Help us, cowboy!" 10 So we boarded a ship to leave for Macedonia right away. We knew this was God telling us to take the good news to new places.

Lady Lydia Believes in Jesus

11 We got on the boat at Troas and sailed quickly to the island of Samothrace. The next day we reached Neapolis. 12 We saddled up there and rode for the big town of Philippi. It was a Roman colony, and we stayed there for several days. 13 On the day of rest, we trotted out to a river where we thought some people might be meeting for prayer. Sure enough, there was a group of ladies there, and we walked up and introduced ourselves. 14 One of them was Lady Lydia from Thyatira. She was a peddler of fine purple cloth and a believer in God. She listened to what we had to say, and God opened her heart to believe in Jesus. 15 She was baptized along with her whole household. Then she insisted we stay at her ranchito. She said, "If you believe I am a believer like y'all, then you must be my guests." This little lady wouldn't take no for an answer.

Paul and Silas in the Jailhouse

16 One day we were walking along, headed to a place where everyone gathered to pray, and we ran into a slave girl who was possessed. Her demon helped her tell people's fortunes, and her masters made a lot of money off of her. 17 She followed along behind us and shouted, "These men are cowboys who gather for the Most High God. They are here to tell you how to be saved!"

18 This went on every single day, and finally, Paul got sick of it. As we were walking and she was shouting, he turned to the spirit and said, "In the name of Jesus Christ, I'm telling you to get out of her and skedaddle." Instantly the demon was gone.

19 When her masters realized what Paul had done, they were furious. They grabbed Paul and Silas and drug 'em to the courthouse. 20 There, they told the authorities, "These men are troublemakers! They have the whole town in an uproar. 21 They are telling everyone to rebel against the Roman way of doing things."

22 Things got nasty really quick. Paul and Silas were arrested, stripped naked, and beaten with axe handles. 23 After they were severely beaten, they were thrown in the jailhouse. The jailer was told not to let them escape or he would pay the price. 24 So the jailer put them in the basement cell and even locked them in stocks.

25 It was the middle of the night, and Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God. Other prisoners couldn't help but listen to them. 26 Suddenly, the ground started shaking something fierce, and the whole jail seemed to be coming apart. But the only things that came apart were every prisoner's chains and all the doors to the cells. 27 All the commotion woke the jailer. He stumbled downstairs and saw all the doors were open. He assumed everyone had fled and he took out his knife to slit his throat. 28 But out of the darkness, Paul yelled, "Whoa, fellow! Put the blade away. We're still here."

29 The jailer grabbed a torch and raced into the cells. He fell down in front of Paul and Silas, shaking like a leaf. 30 He then led them out of the stinking cell and asked, "I nearly died tonight. What must I do to be saved?" 31 They put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and said, "Believe in Jesus who died in your place. Then you and your whole family will be saved." 32 Then they told him, and all of his family who had gathered there also, the story of Jesus. 33 Even though it was the middle of the night, the jailer cleaned up their wounds. Then the jailer and his whole family were baptized. 34 The jailer invited them into his house, which was part of the jail, and laid before them a fine feast of a meal. This was the best day of the man's life because he and his whole family were now saved and believed in God.

35 The next morning, the authorities sent word to the jailer saying, "Go ahead and let those two cowboys out." 36 The jailer told Paul, "They said you and Silas are free to go. Go in peace, cowboys!"

37 But Paul wasn't having any of it. He said, "We were beaten and imprisoned without a trial. We are Roman citizens and what happened here is against the law. And now they want us to just go away like nothing happened? I don't think so! Let them come here and release us themselves."

38 When this message was taken to the city officials, they got scared. They had no idea Paul and Silas were Roman citizens. 39 So the city officials all went to the jailhouse and apologized for what had happened. They led Paul and Silas outside and begged them to saddle up and leave the city. 40 The two cowboys didn't say anything but headed straight for Lady Lydia's house. They met with everyone who had believed in Jesus and encouraged them to never give up the faith. Then they saddled up and rode away.

 
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