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Saturday, June 1st, 2024
the Week of Proper 3 / Ordinary 8
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Read the Bible

Simplified Cowboy Version

Acts 8

1 Saul smiled as Steve was killed.

The Church is Scattered

The day Steve was killed began a great day of persecution in the early church. It swept through the believers in Jerusalem and most of them, except for the twelve cowboys, were scattered throughout the region. 2 Some brave men came and got Steve's body and buried it. He was mourned greatly. 3 But Saul didn't care. He went from ranch to ranch, from house to house, and dragged men and women who believed in Jesus off to prison.

Phil in Samaria

4 Now just because the believers were scattered didn't mean they weren't preaching wherever they went. 5 Phil, one of the men who had been in charge of the food distribution, went into Samaria and told them about the Top Hand. 6 When people saw what he could do and heard the words he said, they paid close attention. 7 He cast out demons who shrieked at their defeat and many paralyzed people were healed. 8 A time of great joy had come to that part of the country.

Simon the Voodoo Priest

9 Now there was a guy named Simon who had been practicing voodoo around there and had amazed many people with his feats. He never neglected to tell people how great he was. 10 People of all walks of life agreed and said, "This man's name should be God's Great Power." 11 They had great admiration for Simon because of his magic. 12 But when Phil came to town, he told them the good news about God's outfit. People heard the message and were baptized. 13 Even that voodoo priest, Simon, was baptized. Simon followed Phil around everywhere he went. He was amazed at what Phil could do.

14 When the twelve cowboys in Jerusalem heard the Samaritans had accepted the good news, Pete and John headed that way. 15 When they rode in, the first thing they did was pray that the Holy Spirit might be given to all the new believers. 16 The Holy Spirit hadn't yet come on any of them because they'd only been baptized in the name of Jesus. 17 Then Pete and John placed their hands on the people, and the Holy Spirit filled the new believer's lives.

18 When Simon, the voodoo priest, saw what was happening, he asked them how much they charged to get this new power. He said, 19 "I will pay whatever the price to be able to give the Holy Spirit to others."

20 But Pete answered, "To hell with you and your money. You can't buy this. 21 You can't buy your way onto God's outfit like it was a carnival ride. You'll never have a spot on his outfit because your heart is not right. 22 You better change your ways if you don't want to end up in the fire. Pray that God forgives you. What you did is worse than riding in front of the boss. 23 You are full of sin, and I can see your god is money."

24 Simon retreated quickly, "Please, cowboy. Pray for me that none of what you said will happen to me!"

25 Pete and John stayed a while longer and answered questions about Jesus and God's outfit. When they headed back to Jerusalem, they preached in every Samaritan town they came to.

Phil and the Ethiopian

26 Then an angel said to Phil, "Saddle up and head along the desert road that leads from Jerusalem to Gaza." 27 

So he started that way and met a government banker from Ethiopia. This man had been gelded and was held in high regard under Kandake, the queen of Ethiopia. The man had been in Jerusalem to worship, 28 and was headed back home. He sat in his chariot as it bounced along the road and read aloud from the book of Isaiah. 29 The Holy Spirit told Phil, "Ride up beside that chariot and stay there."

30 When Phil got close, he heard what the man was reading and asked, "You got any idea what that means?"

31 "Honestly, I don't have a clue," the man said. "I've never had anybody to explain it to me." He invited Phil to sit with him.

32 The passage the man was reading was this, "As he was led to slaughter, like a lamb to the shearing table, he did not make a sound. 33 They humiliated him and gave him a fake trial. But who is his kin? He has none since his life was taken from him."

34 The gelded man asked Phil, "Who in the world is Isaiah talking about? Is he talking about himself or someone else?" 35 So, Phil started right there in that passage and told him the good news of Jesus Christ.

36 They had traveled a far piece when they happened alongside some water. The man exclaimed, "Look, here is some water. Is there any reason I may not be baptized?" 37 Phil told him, "If you're for sure you can! The man said, "I believe Jesus truly is God's boy!"38 The chariot was ordered to stop. Phil and the man went down to the water, and Phil baptized him. 39 When the man came up out of the water, the Holy Spirit whisked Phil away, and the man never saw him again. But the man did rejoice at what had happened. 40 Phil later appeared at Azotus and stopped at every ranch and village to tell them about Jesus. He preached all the way to Caesarea.

 
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