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Thursday, June 6th, 2024
the Week of Proper 4 / Ordinary 9
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Simplified Cowboy Version

Acts 12

1 It was at this time that King Herod Agrippa began to cause problems in the church. 2 He had James killed with a sword. James was one of the twelve original cowboys (the brother of John). 3 When he saw how much the Jewish people liked this, he went and had Pete arrested too. This happened during the Passover celebration. 4 The king had Pete thrown in prison with four squads of police watching him. Herod was going to wait for Passover to end and then have a public trial for Pete. 5 But while Pete was locked up, everyone who rode for the Lord prayed for him constantly.

Pete's Escape

6 Pete was asleep the night before his trial. He was locked up with two chains between two policemen. The other guards were at the door. 7 All of a sudden, there was a bright light, and an angel stood there in front of Pete. The angel kicked him and told him, "Get up and be quick about it!" When Pete stood up, the chains fell off. 8 The angel then said, "Put your boots on and get dressed. Get your coat and let's go."

9 The angel led Pete out of the cell, but Pete didn't realize this was happening. He thought it was a vision the whole time. 10 They passed by the other guards and came to the door that led into the city. When they approached, the door opened like magic. They walked out into the street and then Pete was alone.

11 Pete finally shook the cobwebs out of his brain and realized an angel had saved him. He said, "The Lord has saved me from Herod and the other Jewish leaders. He has foiled their plans."

12 He went off toward the home of Mary, the mother of John Mark. When he arrived, there was a bunch of people there praying. 13 He knocked on the door. A servant girl named Rhoda asked who was there. 14 She recognized Pete's voice and got so excited she left him outside the door and ran to tell everyone else, "Pete's at the door!"

15 "You're crazy!" everyone said. But when she was adamant, they said, "It must be Pete's angel with a message."

16 Pete was still standing outside knocking. Then someone else opened the door and couldn't believe their eyes. 17 Pete put a finger to his lips and told everyone to be quiet. He told them the tale of the angel rescuing him. Pete then said, "Tell the Lord's brother, James, and the other cowboys what happened." Then Pete slipped out and went off into the darkness.

18 When the sun came up, the prison was stirred up like a mound of ants. Everyone was wondering how Pete had escaped. 19 Herod Agrippa ordered soldiers and police to search for him everywhere, but he couldn't be found. The king had the guards questioned and then killed them. Herod and his entourage headed off for Caesarea.

Herod Agrippa's Death

20 Now Herod wasn't none too happy with the towns of Tyre and Sidon. These cities sent some representatives to the king to try to make amends. These cities were very dependent on Herod for food. These reps got in good with Herod's personal assistant, Blastus. 21 This guy got them a meeting with the king. When the time came, Herod dressed in his royal outfit and made a great speech. 22 People applauded and cheered, "This is not a man talking, but a god!"

23 Right then, an angel of God came down and struck Herod down with a sickness. Herod had accepted the worship of these people and God showed him what happens to people who think they are equal to him. Herod fell down in front of everyone and was eaten by worms as they watched.

24 In the meantime, the word of God continued to spread throughout the country and many people started riding for the Lord.

25 When Barnabas and Saul had made their delivery to Jerusalem, they headed back and took John Mark with them.

 
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