Lectionary Calendar
Friday, June 14th, 2024
the Week of Proper 5 / Ordinary 10
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Read the Bible

Simplified Cowboy Version

Luke 22

Double-Crossin' Coward

1 The festival that celebrates Passover was coming up soon. 2 The head preachers and keepers of the code of Moses were trying to figure out a way to kill Jesus. They went over many scenarios, but they were afraid that all their options would cause a riot.

3 Then Satan took control of Judas Iscariot, one of Jesus's twelve cowboys. 4 Judas went to the preachers and teachers and agreed to double-cross his boss. 5 They liked Judas's idea and decided to pay him for his betrayal. 6 He told them he would look for a time and place where they could arrest him without a bunch of people around.

The Final Meal

7 The day finally arrived to celebrate the Passover. On that day, a lamb is sacrificed 8 and Jesus sent Pete and John ahead to find the place where they would share the Passover meal together.

9 "Where do you want to eat?" they asked.

10 Jesus said, "When you get into Jerusalem, you'll find a guy carrying a pitcher of water. Follow him to his house. 11 When you get there, tell him the Top Hand asks, 'Where can I eat the Passover meal with my cowboys?' 12 He will take you upstairs, and you will find a large room filled with all we need. Get things ready."

13 Pete and John left, and everything happened just like Jesus said it would.

14 When the time came to eat the Passover meal, Jesus and his cowboys were sitting at the table. 15 Jesus told them, "I couldn't wait to share this meal with y'all before I suffer the things that are about to take place. 16 The next time I eat, everything that this meal symbolizes will have taken place on God's outfit." 17 Then he took a cup, gave thanks to the Boss for it and said, "Everyone get a drink. 18 I will not drink wine again until God's outfit has arrived."

19 Then Jesus took some bread, gave thanks to the Boss for it and broke it in pieces. He gave a piece to all his cowboys and said, "This is a symbol of my body, which will be sacrificed for you. When you eat it, remember what I did."

20 After the meal, he took another cup of wine and said, "This cup symbolizes a new agreement between y'all and God. The agreement will be signed in my blood. It will be poured out as a sacrifice for all of you.

21 "But there is a friend sitting here with us who will double-cross the man who loves him the most. He will betray me. 22 My fate has been sealed. The Top Hand must die, but hell's comin' for the cuss who would give up his Boss." 23 Talk erupted around the table at how anyone could ever do such a thing.

24 This set off an argument about who was the best cowboy in their crew. 25 Jesus said, "The way this world works, the people in power make people do whatever they want, yet they call themselves, 'a friend of the good folks.' 26 But y'all better not act like that. The best of you will be the ones who give the most of themselves away for my sake. The best will be thought of the least, and the least will be thought of most by God. 27 You think about it. Who is more important, the boss or the servant? The boss is most important, but I didn't come here to boss people around. I came to show you how to serve.

28 "Y'all have ridden with me during the good times and bad. 29 And just like the Boss has granted me the keys to his outfit, 30 I now give you a place at my table there. You will sit on the finest horses and be the boss over the twelve family houses of Israel.

Pete's Denial

31 "Pete, listen close. Satan has asked to rope and drag you to the fire. 32 But I have talked to my Dad about you so that he will strengthen you in the days to come and you will be filled with courage after you fail. When you come back to me, be there for your brothers who you ride with and encourage them."

33 Pete said, "Boss, I'd stand in front of a stampede for you."

34 But Jesus replied, "Pete, listen close. Before the cock crows in the morning, there will be three times you deny riding with me. You'll even say you don't even know me."

35 Then Jesus turned to all the twelve cowboys and said, "When I sent all y'all out to gather and spread the good news of God's outfit, you did not take anything extra with you. You didn't take any extra money or clothes or anything else. During this time, did you ever need anything or go without?"

"No, sir," they all said.

36 "But now," Jesus said, "grab some extra money and take your bedrolls. And if you don't have a sword, sell whatever you have and buy one. 37 The time has come for this old saying to be fulfilled, 'He was deemed an outlaw.' Yep, everything that's ever been written about me will come true."

38 "Look, Boss," they said, "we have two swords."

"That should do," he said.

Jesus Prays on Olive Hill

39 Jesus left then, and his cowboys went with him to Olive Hill. 40 When they got there, Jesus said, "Y'all better get to prayin', or temptation's going to sneak up and get ya."

41 He walked a little ways away from everybody else and knelt down to pray. 42 "Dad, if there is another way, can we find it? But it's not what I want that's important, it's what you want." 43 Then an angel showed up and strengthened his body for what was to come. 44 Jesus started praying some more. He prayed so hard that his sweat turned to blood and fell to the ground.

45 Jesus finished praying and got up to go to where his cowboys were waiting. They weren't praying, but snoring softly. Their slumber made Jesus sorrowful, and 46 he said as he woke them, "If you knew what was fixing to happen, you would be praying instead of sleeping. Start praying that you won't give into temptation."

Jesus is Double-Crossed

47 As Jesus was talking, a bunch of people walked up, led by the double-crossing cuss, Judas. Judas walked over to Jesus and kissed him on the cheek in greeting. 48 Jesus said stoically, "Judas, you picked a hell of a way to double-cross the Top Hand. You chose a kiss?"

49 The cowboys saw what was happening and yelled, "Boss! Do we fight them all? We brought the swords!" 50 Before Jesus could answer, one of the cowboys cut off the ear of the high preacher's servant.

51 But Jesus said, "Everyone stop! No more." He reached down and healed the man's ear.

52 Then Jesus said to the preachers, church marshals, and religious leaders, "Have you come to arrest an outlaw? Did you bring your swords and clubs because I am dangerous? 53 I taught right beside you in the church courtyard, and you did nothing. I know why, though. This is your time and place because your hearts are as dark as night."

54 They arrested Jesus and took him straight to the high preacher's house.

Pete Denies His Boss

Pete followed at a distance, trying to see where they would take Jesus. 55 Some men had started a fire in the yard of the high preacher's place and were warming themselves. Pete joined them around the fire but said nothing. 56 A maid who worked for the high preacher saw him and said, "That cowboy right there rides with Jesus."

57 But Pete shook his head and said, "I don't even know who you are talking about, lady."

58 A little while later, someone else recognized him and said, "You are one of Jesus's cowboys aren't you?"

But Pete said, "No! Why would you think such a stupid thing?"

59 About an hour later, another person said, "This guy rode with Jesus. Anyone could tell he's from Galilee."

60 But Pete again said, "Why does everyone keep saying I know this man? I don't!"

Just then, while the words were still tumbling from his mouth, a rooster crowed. 61 Jesus turned and looked directly at Pete from across the yard. Pete then remembered what Jesus had said, "Before the cock crows in the morning, there will be three times that you deny riding with me." 62 Pete ran out of the yard and cried like he'd never cried before.

Jesus's Trial in Front of the Jews

63 The church marshals who were guarding Jesus beat him up and made fun of him. 64 They would blindfold him and then hit him. They would say, "If you know everything, then tell us who hit you!" 65 They didn't stop there. They did many other insulting things to him.

66 When the sun rose, the council of leaders, head preachers, and experts on the code of Moses, gathered together for Jesus's trial. They brought Jesus in front of them and questioned him, 67 "Answer the council this, are you the Top Hand who will save us all?"

Jesus replied, "You wouldn't be able to see the truth if it was standing right in front of you. 68 If I asked y'all that same question about me, you wouldn't answer it either. 69 But from here on out, the Top Hand will be riding at the right hand of God himself."

70 They all looked around at each other and then asked, "So you're saying that you are the Son of God?"

Jesus said, "You said it right. I AM."

71 "Why do we need anybody else to testify?" they asked. "We just heard everything we need to string him up."

 
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