Lectionary Calendar
Thursday, June 6th, 2024
the Week of Proper 4 / Ordinary 9
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Read the Bible

Simplified Cowboy Version

Mark 9

1 Jesus kept on a talkin', "There are some cowboys who are right here who will not die before they see the awesome display of God's outfit."

Jesus, Elijah, and Moses

2 Six days later, Jesus took along Pete, James, and John. They rode up on a high mountain to be alone. As they were sitting there, Jesus's appearance transformed before their very eyes. 3 His clothes became so white they almost blinded 'em.

4 Then the great cowboys of old, Elijah and Moses, walked up and started talking to Jesus.

5 Pete jumped up quickly and said, "Hey boss! What do you think about us making a memorial about this day? I could make one for you, one for Elijah, and one for old Moses." 6 Pete only said this because when he got scared, he usually just ran-off at the mouth. But he wasn't the only one who was scared of what he was seeing.

7 Then a cloud seemed to pass over them all and a voice came from it saying, "This is my Boy, the Son who I love. When he says something, you'd all best listen."

8 And as quick as that, everyone looked around and Elijah and Moses were gone. Only Jesus and his three cowboys were left.

9 As they rode back down, Jesus told 'em not to tell anyone about what they'd seen until he'd been killed and had come back from the dead. 10 The three cowboys agreed, but from time to time they asked each other what they thought he meant by, "Come back from the dead."

11 The three cowboys questioned Jesus by asking him, "Why do the religious experts say Elijah has to come first?"

12 He said, "Elijah does come first. He brings everything back and gets everything ready for the Chosen One. 13 They treated Elijah poorly and they'll do the same to the Chosen One, who will, according to the word of God, be treated even worse."

Jesus Pulls a Demon Out of a Boy

14 When they rounded a small hill and trotted up to where the rest of cowboys were, they heard a bunch of people squabblin'. 15 As soon as they spotted Jesus, they ran to say hello to him.

16 "What's all the bickerin' about?" Jesus asked while he swung off his horse.

17 One of the men from the crowd spoke up quickly. "Jesus, I brought my son to be healed by you. He is possessed by an evil spirit that keeps him from talking and every once in a while, 18 it throws my boy to the ground. It scares the tar out of me because he starts a foamin' at the mouth while gnashing his teeth like a wild hog. He then becomes as rigid as a felled lodgepole pine. I asked your cowboys for help, but they was useless."

19 Jesus told all of them, "Do I have to do everything myself? What're y'all gonna do when I'm gone? Bring the boy over here."

20 They brought the boy over and when the devil inside him saw Jesus, it threw the boy on the ground in a violent seizure. The boy was foaming and frothing at the mouth like a rabid coyote.

21 "How long has this been going on?" Jesus asked.

The father replied, 22 "Since he was just knee-high, this devil has been throwing my poor son in the water and even in the branding fire a time or two trying to kill him. I can't let him out of my sight and I'm wore plumb out, sir. Will you help us if you can?"

23 "What do you mean, 'If I can'?" Jesus raised an eyebrow and asked. "Ain't nothin' impossible for a man who believes."

24 The man fell to his knees and sobbed, "I want to believe, but you've got to help me!"

25 Jesus saw that quite a crowd was starting to take notice of what was going on. His words latched onto the evil spirit as he said, "You that is tormenting this boy, I command you to leave and never show your face again."

26 The demon caused the boy to be thrown to the ground one last time as it did as Jesus commanded and hightailed it out of there. The boy lay there still on the ground and many folks started murmuring that he was dead. 27 But Jesus reached down and took hold of the boy's hand and he stood up.

28 Later, when Jesus was alone with his cowboys, they asked him, "Why couldn't we get rid of that demon?"

29 Jesus said, "Prayer is the only thing that will whip those kind."

Jesus Talks about Dying Again

30 Leaving that part of the country, Jesus and his cowboys rode through the area known as Galilee, but he didn't want anyone to know he was there. Jesus wanted as much time alone with his cowboys as he could get so he could 31 teach 'em all they would need to know. He told them, "God's Top Hand is going to be double-crossed and handed over to his enemies. They're going to kill him, but he's going to come back from the dead three days later." 32 None of his cowboys really knew what he was talking about and they were too chicken to ask him.

The Top Hands in the Kingdom

33 They arrived at Capernaum one evening and as they settled in for the night, Jesus asked his cowboys what they had been discussing on the ride over. 34 None of 'em wanted to say anything because they had all been arguing about which of 'em was the best hand.

35 He told 'em all to gather 'round, for he had known all along what they had been saying. Jesus said, "Whoever wants to be the top hand in my outfit has to be willing to ride drag and let everyone else go in front of him."

36 He called a little kid over to him who had been playing nearby. He put the little one on his knee and said, 37 "Whoever is willing to care for the little ones of this world is the one who rides for me. More importantly, he rides for my Dad."

Riding for the Brand

38 John piped up and said, "Boss, we saw a guy just the other day who was getting rid of evil spirits by using your name. We stopped him because he didn't ride with us."

39 Jesus put a stop to that foolishness at once, "Why'd you stop him? Ain't no one can use my name for good things and then in the next breath say something bad about me. 40 If someone ain't riding against us, then he is riding for us. 41 Even a person who gives you a drink from their canteen because you ride for God's Top Hand will be rewarded for it. 42 But here's a warning and you better listen close. If anyone causes one of these little ones to abandon their faith and follow the outlaw's trail, well, it would be better for that cowboy if he was tied to an anvil and thrown in the ocean.

43 "If your hand causes you to sin, then you'd be better off by chopping it off. It'd be better to have one hand in life than both hands in hell. Same way with your feet. 45 If one of your feet takes you someplace you ought not be, it'd be better for you to cut it off than to walk all high and mighty right into hell.

47 "If your eye keeps looking at things it shouldn't, tear that sucker right out. It's better to ride for God's outfit with a patch over one eye than to see what hell is like with both. 48 Here's the skinny of it—everyone will go through a test of fire;49 will you be refined by it or destroyed by it?50 My way will refine you and bring you peace. The other way? Not so much."

 
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